Is it normal when you find out that one of your friends likes you, and you're not sure if you kind of like them back because you know that they like you already?
In the past, I would get this hint that one of my guy friends might like me and then I would end up overthinking about it for a little bit. After a few days, I would usually end up with a little crush on them. Every time, the crush wouldn't last longer than a few days because my friend wouldn't do anything further to say that he was interested in me, and I never really wanted to be in a relationship, so I let the crush die easily.
But this time, it's different. Bryan likes me, and he told Emily that he likes me, and he always does <3 whenever we facebook chat and says that he <3's me on there, too [I thought this was all in a friendly way...], and he always texts me everyday, and he told me [in a text on a really awkward conversation] that he likes me and isn't trying to hide it, and it's totally different from all of the other guys since the other guys were never really that close or we never really talked as much as Bryan and I do.
But yeah, that's why I'm confused. I used to end up sort-of having a little crush on the (non-creepy) guys who liked me just because I knew that they liked me first and that there was a chance of things working out. But then I would realize that I hardly know them, and it probably wouldn't work out anyway, and the main reason why I liked them in the first place was because I knew that they liked me already, and I knew that that feeling would eventually fade away and nothing would be there afterwards, so it would be pointless to do anything unless they made the first move. And then I would wing it. :P
It's different with Bryan, though. Mainly because we talk a lot more and have more to talk about since we have AP classes together and watch movies on Netflix together on our Xbox 360's. And also because he makes an effort to talk to me every day. AND MAINLY MAINLY BECAUSE HE LEGITLY TOLD ME THAT HE LIKES ME UNLIKE WITH THE OTHER GUYS WHERE I USUALLY JUST GOT A HINT ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS.
So, what do I do? I don't even know if I like him like that! I mean, I think about him more than I usually did after I found out that he liked me after Homecoming, but I blame that to the fact that he always texts me every day after school and randomly during the day on weekends, so I'm mainly wondering when and what he'll text me about.
Does this constitute as liking someone?!
Gah. I really didn't want to have any relationship drama during my last year in high school. Unless it was one of my crazy friends' drama, of course. :P Then it would be funny. XD [I'm okay with being a hypocrite on this point, lol]
I wrote all of that as a Quick [Random] Thought on Wednesday night right around the time he told me that he liked me. I wasn't even expecting it to happen while I was typing up that post! O__O
But now, things are even more complicated. And it all happened in the span of a few days. Like, every day since I wrote that post (I was planning on adding a bit more to it before publishing the post; I don't know if it was a good thing that I didn't post it the other night or not anymore...) until last night. And who knows what's going to happen today or tomorrow! D:
...Fuck, this is going to take a while to type. .__.
Okay, so Bryan told me that he liked me on Wednesday. On Thursday, we didn't really talk in class that much, but in AP Lang, he was making fun of me/teasing me and I told him to shut up and that I didn't like him, and I have no idea if he took it the wrong way cuz, you know, he just confessed to liking me in a text the night before [and I told him that I didn't like him in the same way, and he said that he kind of figured but still liked me anyway D:], but later after school, he sent me a text saying that he didn't want to go to prom anymore.
I was really confused. So I asked him why he didn't want to go anymore after all the torture he and my so-called friends went through trying to persuade me, and he said that he just didn't want to go to prom anymore, and since I didn't want to go to prom, this wasn't really a problem, or something like that. -__-" That was all in texts.
Later that night, when I got on FB to upload pictures for my challenge, he started chatting with me, and he brought up prom again. I asked him again how come he didn't want to go to prom now, and he said that he didn't want to talk about it. Then he said that he didn't want a repeat of last year, and he wouldn't say anything else about it.
Now, when a person starts getting all closed up and secretive, of course you're going to get curious, so I bugged him, trying to get him to tell me what happened. Eventually, he said that I'd be better off not knowing what happened because I'd be a lot happier and less awkward for if I didn't know. So I said okay, I prolly don't want to know after all then. Cuz it's already kind of awkward with him as it is now, and I still don't know if I can handle anymore awkwardness with him. There's only so much that I can take!
Then Meethu got online and I eventually told her that Bryan didn't want to go to prom anymore and she was like WTF?! and immediately posted a message on his wall asking him why he wasn't going anymore and to give her a reason. He just said, "Deal with it," lol. We thought that he was mad.
|I really hope that it wasn't like this. O__O|
Then she started messaging him and I never got the chance to tell her that I didn't want to know why he didn't want to go to prom anymore, so she basically did all of that for nothing since Bryan told her that he wasn't going to tell her his reason since I didn't want to know (and because he knows that Emily, Meethu, and I all kind of share everything together, so once one person knows, the other two will eventually know :P).
But yeah... I got off to go to bed soon after that, not knowing that Meethu would eventually get Bryan to tell her what happened last year. Of course she told me the next morning before first period. :P She said that he told her that he liked a girl last year and nothing happened, and he didn't want it to happen again, and I kind of figured that something like that happened since he told me that it would make things really awkward for me if I knew, but still. I really wished to remain oblivious. :\
We didn't really talk all day until in AP Lit again cuz we had a sub who loves honors and AP students cuz we can do individual work just fine and tell stories with her. We didn't even have any assignment to do in class besides read our books or do homework for another class, so Meethu, Bryan, Mia, and I were gathered around our desks goofing off and just talking. I still don't really remember about what, too...
But after school, when I was walking around with Meethu, looking for Shanice since she was driving me home, I recieved a text from Bryan saying that since Meethu went through all of the trouble, why don't we go to prom together? And I was just like WTF?! REALLY? I DIDN'T EVEN GET A WHOLE DAY TO NOT BE BOTHERED ABOUT PROM?!
I showed Meethu the message and she took my phone from me cuz she needed to talk to him. AND I FOUND OUT THAT THEY HAD PLANNED ON HIM ASKING ME A MONTH BEFORE PROM. THAT'S SO NOT COOL. But he went wayyyy ahead of schedule. Cuz he likes messing with me and didn't want me to feel safe for so long. :|
Then I went home and kind of forgot to text him back cuz I took a nap and caught up on the interwebs and stuffid. Then I ate dinner, and when I went back upstairs to my room, I saw that I missed two calls from Jeffy. I called him back and he asked if I was busy. I said no, and he asked if I wanted to hang out with him and Curtis, his friend that I met at the mall with Emily earlier in the month.
I said sure since I just stuffed myself full of food and wouldn't mind going for a walk around the neighborhood. I asked my parents and they said sure, but that I couldn't stay out too late since they had to go to the farm soon and didn't want Brian to stay home by himself, so I just told them to call me when they wanted me to come back.
Jeffy and Curtis drove over 20 minutes later, and we started walking around the neighborhood. Those two guys are so goofy. We were talking about random stuff, and then I mentioned that the Haunted Barn opened tonight, and Jeffy said that they always showed movies for free there, so we were like, LET'S GO!
But then I remembered that I was supposed to stay home with my lil' bro, so I told them to wait for a bit until my parents left before we go so they won't know that I'm out. So we walk around my neighborhood some more and somehow we got talking about my parents or something, and then Jeffy says, "You need a boyfriend. You should go out with me!"
And I give a little startled laugh and look at him, see that he's smiling, and ask him, "Are you serious?"
And he just says, "Of course!"
And I'm totally shocked.
This is the guy who we actually started becoming friends after seeing each other at Bear Stock sophomore year. The guy who loves to flirt and playact with everyone, guys and girls. The guy who has so many friends, both girls and guys. The guy who is a total joker. The guy who's... Jeffrey.
And he wants to go out with me?
And Curtis is like, "You guys are adorable together. If you don't say yes, I'm going to throw a tantrum." Which totally makes me laugh. And I thought that he was only saying that cuz Jeffy and I were holding hands while we were walking. At first, we were holding our hands in a funny way, I don't know how to describe it. Our hands were clasped perpendicular to each other.
I don't even know when this happened, but I think it was a bit before he asked me out that our fingers became entwined. I can't believe I didn't realize that earlier! :c Actually, I can't believe that I wasn't suspicious when he wanted to hold hands in the first place. Since it was Jeffy, and he's prone to do odd things, I didn't think about it. I'M ASHAMED OF MY OWN OBLIVIOUSNESS. D:
We walked around my neighborhood one turn and I go inside to grab some cash and my camera so we can go to the movies quicker once my parents leave, and we're next to Curtis's car cuz he needed to get his phone out of it, and my dad comes outside, and I start mentally freaking out, hoping that he doesn't notice that there's two guys outside because I told my 'rents that I was hanging out with EMILY and Jeffy. Not two guys.
He doesn't say anything. He's just walking over to my aunts' and uncles' house, and Jeffy and Curtis are completely silent, and I tell them to stay quiet until my dad is out of site. Then I run into the house to grab my stuff.
Then we go around the block again, waiting for the 'rents to leave. Once we walked around the block again, and it was around 8:30, I saw that all of the cars were still in the driveway/garage, so I figured that I'd have to ask the 'rents if I could go out and watch a movie. I tell the guys to wait outside while I ask, and only Mommy's inside.
When I ask her, she told me that Daddy called her, telling her that he saw two guys outside with me. (!!! HE SAW!!! D:), and she didn't want me hanging out with guys. So, I had to lie and say that Emily had to leave quickly but that she's back now (and in the back of my head, I realized that it sounded more like a double date, which just made me go HOSHIT! *FACEPALM*). Then she said to call Daddy and ask since he's still at the uncles' house.
I call him, and he said that he didn't want me to go since I had the SATs tomorrow, but I convinced him to let me by telling him that I'd be home by 10:30 and that it wouldn't have mattered about going to sleep early since I can't go to sleep until 11:30 at night anyway. So I got to go!
So we went to the Haunted Barn, but they weren't showing any movies, so we goofed around and took pictures for our Photography assignment Godfrey gave us (yeah, he gave the Advanced Graphic students the assignment, too). We didn't go inside the Haunted Barn cuz Jeffy didn't want to go because he already knew what happened in it since he helped out at the Haunted Barn a couple of times already.
Then we went to a gas station to get drinks, and I convinced Curtis and Jeffy to try this aloe vera drink that they were selling there. It tasted almost like the other aloe vera drink that my grandma likes to buy for us, but slightly different.
Then we went to the elementary school playground and played on it until it was time to go to go home since both Jeffy and I had a curfew. Once I got home, I took a shower, and when I got back in my room, I saw that Jeffy had sent me a text saying hi.
So I spent the rest of the night trying to study and texting Jeffy about whatever until I was too tired at midnight to try to study anymore.
Right before I was about to go to bed, I get a text from Bryan asking if I wanted to watch a movie with him after the SATs were over at around 4. I kind of freaked out for a little bit. There's only so much a girl can take in one night. But I told him that I most likely couldn't since I was going out to eat for lunch and then going to do some family stuff afterwards since I knew that Shelle was coming home, which meant that we were prolly going to go grocery shopping and spending time doing nothing. And he replied back saying some other time then. Then I went to bed.
And that was everything that happened on Friday. It was such a long day. :c
Yesterday, I woke up early, Emily picked me up, and we went to McDonald's to eat breakfast before going to Northside to take the SAT. There, I told her what happened since she missed school on Friday. Then I told her that Jeffy asked me out, and she said it was a good thing that she was sitting or else she would have fallen over, lol.
But yeah, then we went to Northside, and I finally got to see Green Street! It's supposed to be a really ghetto, dangerous street that everyone knows about. It looked like any normal ghetto place, lol. Small houses, run-down/old stores, small feel.
Then we finally got to Northside. There was so many people there! A whole bunch of them were from HOCO, though, so I knew quite a few of them. I also saw Curtis there! Lol, but I already found out that he was also taking the SAT the other night, so I was kind of looking out for him anyway. :P
And of course, Bryan was also there (he also took the ACT at the same place as Emily and I went to last month, but a lot of HOCO students were there, too), and he stood beside me the majority of the time we were waiting to go to our rooms...
Meethu was right: Bryan really does hover around me a lot! O__O
Afterwards, Emily, Shanice, and I went to Steak & Shake to eat lunch as planned. I had the Portobello 'N Swiss burger, and it was really yummy. :3 I ended up telling Shanice about the Jeffy thing cuz I still couldn't get over the shock of last night out of my head. And she was like, "Well, aren't you lucky having two guys after you? :P"
But I was anything but. I mean, I only see those two as friends! I know what having a crush is like, and I only feel friendship with them. But Shanice did make a good point when she said that the guys most likely to ask you out are going to be friends because that's how they know you.
And that's totally true. But, you know, they're your friends, so they're just in your friend-zone. How can you immediately put them into another totally different zone when you've only seen them in one way?
We didn't talk about my boy problems for long, thank God. We ate and goofed off and got milkshakes and then went home. Once I got home, both of my parents were in the kitchen, so I couldn't exactly go upstairs and immediately take a nap like I wanted since they wanted to know how I did. I told them that I think I did pretty good on the math part this time, but wasn't sure about the English part since it was harder than last time.
Then I asked them if I could go to the fair on the 9th, and my mom was like, "I don't like you going out so much. First you went to the movies with BOYS last night and now you want to go to the fair?"
And I was like, "But it's a whole week away!"
Then my mom was like, "You have a boyfriend, don't you? If you're lying and we find out..."
By now, I was so incredulous and shocked that I was having this conversation with my parents again less than 24 hours since I was asked out for the second time in a week, that I blurted out some of the truth and told them that I didn't have a boyfriend even though one of my friends has a crush on me.
I told them about Bryan since I couldn't exactly tell them about Jeffy since they knew that I was hanging out with him just last night. And yeah, my mom was telling me how she didn't want me to have any boy friends, that I should only have girl friends and stuff, while my dad was like, "You can tell Bryan, 'See you in four years!' after you go to college," lol.
Yeah, then my mom says that she's drunk cuz they both drank a cup of this grape rum or something that they added aloe in it, so it was healthy or something. This just made me crack up. My parents are so weird, lol. That's why the rest of us are so strange. :P
|I want a relationship with my dad like this, lol|
So my mom went to the couch to watch some tv and take a nap and I went upstairs planning on taking a nap, too. A minute after I got in bed, ready to sleep, my phone rings, and it's Shelle, calling me while driving home, and I have to tell her everything that's happened cuz she is my sis, and if there's one person I need to tell everything to, it is her, because she is older and wiser, and she has a boyfriend and insight and experience and stuff.
So I spend the next 30 minutes on the phone with her, telling her everything that's happened since Wednesday until she gets home, and then I continue telling her everything while we do the laundry and stuff. And she told me that Curtis was Jeffy's wingman! And I could not believe it!
Because it actually makes sense once she explained everything. Like, Jeffy didn't want to make it awkward by just having us going for a walk before asking me out, so he brought his friend to help make things more comfortable and less awkward and to help back him up once he asked me out.
But I'm still finding it hard to believe that he would plan stuff like that out... IDK.
Then, last night, when I got on FB cuz I was checking my mail and got an alert of one of my group chats with Emily and Meethu, I saw that Emily had already told Meethu about my new Jeffy problem and that she needed to be one of us to come save her on Monday or Tuesday, and she also wanted my permission to invite her crush to the fair.
So I got on to ask her what that was about, and to tell her that I didn't care if he went with us after all, but she wasn't online, so I was just talking to Holleigh and poking Seth on there when Bryan started chatting with me on there.
Eventually, he asked me when we were going to the fair since APPARENTLY, MEETHU INVITED HIM TO GO WITH US LAST NIGHT. By then, Meethu was on, and I was flipping out on her about that. And she didn't even realize that she unintentionally asked him to go with us until after she checked her last conversation with him! D:
I really didn't want him to go with us cuz I knew that things would get really awkward, and I didn't want to have to worry about my boy troubles while I was at the fair. =3= But Meethu and I couldn't exactly tell him that we didn't want him to go, because that would be so mean, so I had to tell him the date, and Meethu was super sorry, saying that she was a terrible daughter (because we already established that Emily was the mom who kept us in line, while I was the useless, illiterate father who acted more like a kid than anything else :P).
And Meethu and I were bemoaning the fact that the fair was now going to be super awkward. Especially if she asks her crush to go with us, too. Lol, we were actually trying to find another guy to invite for Emily so that it would be triple awkward. XD We couldn't think of anyone. :(
But yeah, now I'm kind of dreading going to the fair because Shelle pointed out that Bryan's most likely going to want to ride all of the rides with me, and if Jeffy comes along (cuz he's going to the fair everyday since his mom owns a booth and he just has to help out there for a bit), things will get even more awkward because he'll prolly be flirting with me or something, too. AND I'M STILL WONDERING HOW DID MY LIFE BECOME SO COMPLICATED.
Plus, that's not even all of it. You see, last night, Bryan found out that Jeffy also asked me out. Stupid ticker! Why must you tell everyone everything that everyone does?!
What had happen was, Bryan asked me if I still wanted to watch 50/50 with him, and I kind of brushed it off by saying that I was feeling like a cheap hermit who didn't want to do anything. So he told me that he was originally going to pay for my ticked and a combo, but then he said something about rides, so I thought that he was talking about the fair.
And he said no, he was talking about the movie, but he'd pay for my fair ticket, if I wanted, and I was like, no, I can do it myself. :P
Then he's like, "but, but, I want to."
Then I told him, "but, but, not at date :P"
To which he replied, "but, but, worth a try :P"
I forgot what I said next, but then he eventually said that yeah, he knew that I don't do relationships, and do you know what's awkward? Reading my conversation on the link that Jeffy sent me earlier in the day.
He sent me this youtube video that played one of his favorite songs, and I told him that I liked it, and he was like, ":D <3 just for you".
So I said, "when can I get some new muzaks?"
He said, "as soon as you can give me your USB. and when you say yes! and Curtis thinks very highly of you, ya know :D"
I said, "do I have to say yes :P"
Shelle was in the room while this happened, and I showed her my newest problem, lol.
Then he said, "no, I know you wouldn't say yes just because I told you to"
And I said, "GOOD BOY XD" and then Shelle told me to write, "you know me so well :D"
Then he replies with, "I do. WHICH IS WHY WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER." and a <3 right afterwards.
I facepalmed after reading that one, lol. Like my life could get any easier right now. :P
Then we joked/flirted around for a bit more before Jeffy said, "ok. once you say the final no, then I'll never bring it up again" or something like that.
And I told him, "lemme think about it some more. I'm still finding your question hard to believe :P" and he never replied back, so I don't know if he read it or not since it was kind of late at night.
But yeah, Bryan read all of that. BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID TICKER! >:( I really didn't want him to know about this! At least, not until I finally made up my mind on what to do.
But yeah, he asked me if Jeffy also asked me out and then said it was because "I'm so damn awesome" and that he wouldn't be surprised if I had a secret cult dedicated to me.
And I freaked out to Meethu about that, basically saying "OMG, BRYAN KNOWS THAT JEFFY ASKED ME OUT! WHAT DO I DOOOOO?"
|lol, if only I could just do that :P|
In the end, I kind of averted the question. I just said that I'd be pretty scared if I found out that I had a secret cult dedicated to me, lol. But it's not like Bryan doesn't know. The answer was pretty obvious. Jeffy and my conversation basically told the whole fricken world since it was ON MY WALL. D:
Then Bryan said that he was getting off FB for a bit to watch Doctor Who, and I was like ok, night! And he ended up staying on for a bit longer because of what he said, which was confusing cuz he said, "no, not happy", which made me ask him what he was talking about and yeah.... I'm too lazy to write about it cuz it doesn't really matter much, I think. :P
But yeah, Meethu got off a bit after Bryan did, so I'm left talking to Seth, asking him to take away all of my boy problems. And he asks me how could he do that, and since it's midnight and I'm sleep deprived and loopy, I told him that he should dress up as a girl and steal all of their hearts and attention so that they can leave me alone, lol.
So Seth is like, "So I should get a sex change? Well, while I'm at it, can I be black, too? Might as well do EVERYTHING." Which made me laugh my head off. I told him that he could, and that we needed to give him a new name, so I came up with Latisha, which he immediately agreed to, lol.
Then I went to bed cuz I was so tired.
And that's all that's happened so far. But that's not all that I have to tell you! I've only told you about what's happened. I still haven't told you about the rest of my thoughts and about what I've finally decided to do! Don't worry, it won't take as long as everything else I just dumped onto you. :P
So, after talking to Shelle and thinking about it (cuz I swear, I have been thinking about this whole problem 90% of the time ever since Friday happened), I still don't really know what to do about Bryan, cuz he's not exactly giving up even though I told him that I don't feel the same way. I'm wondering if I should flat out tell him that I don't want to go out with him... Shelle told me that I should just keep on using the friend card telling him that I only like him as a friend and don't want to ruin our relationship by doing anything to it.
But I honestly can't really see myself going out with him, which is a total contradiction to what I said in the beginning of this post, asking if I like him or not. And I still don't know. I don't know if I've changed my mind because Jeffy asked me out, and if I had to choose, I would choose Jeffy over Bryan to go out with. But yeah, I just can't see myself with Bryan as anything other than a friend, which is why I keep on getting so uncomfortable when he keeps on trying to ask me out on a date.
|this whole situation is one big mess :\|
As for Jeffy, I think I want to try it out. I don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I want to go on dates and hang out and stuff, and then I'll start thinking about being boyfriend and girlfriends and all that jazz that comes with it. I mean, with Jeffy, I know that we'll have a lot of fun just goofing around and whatnot, so I don't really see why I should reject him. I know that Bryan and I would have fun, too, but I think he would be too serious about it, or at least keep on messing with me, which will most likely really irritate me in the future if he does it too much.
And I'm not looking for a serious relationship. We're all seniors; we're most likely going to different colleges. I just want to have fun while it lasts. Try new things and gain experience and whatnot. With Jeffrey, I know that it'll be fine. And he already told me that he wouldn't be one of those preppy couples who is always have to text each other every second of the day; he knows when to give me space. And I really like that because I need my alone time. After seeing everyone for 5 days straight, I usually need my weekends to myself. Or at least one day a week to myself anyway.
Argh! But I feel like such a bitchhhhhh. Bryan told me that he liked me first, and he's really making an effort, talking to me everyday, being near me all of the time, asking me out on a date (although not flat out asking me out on a date cuz he knows I'll say no), getting me a birthday present... But I just don't feel the same way...
And if I had to choose, I'd rather go out with Jeffy because I'm more comfortable with him. And I've known him longer friends-wise since I knew Bryan since freshmen year, but we were never friends until last year. And Jeffy and I live in neighborhoods right across from each other. It's easier to hang out since we live so close to each other.
But still. I feel really bad. That's why I didn't want to choose either of them because I knew that one would get the bad end. At least if I rejected both of them, it wouldn't be because I liked one or the other. But that's what I'm ending up doing. :\
OF ALL YEARS, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SENIOR YEAR FOR ALL OF THIS TO HAPPEN? At least if it was last year or any other year, I wouldn't have to worry as much about having relationship problems to distract me from reading or doing my homework and whatnot. Jeez, I sound like such a nerd, lol.
I can't help but think it's because I changed over the summer. Like, I look a lot better ever since I got my hair cut and my new glasses compliment my face much better than my old pair. And with my new-found bangs and big glasses, I look more like a hipster since all of my clothes were already like that even before I went to Vietnam over the summer. So I already had hipster/school t-shirt clothes before my physical appearance changed.
Emily said it was because of Assassin. By creating the game, I made attention towards myself while also showing that I had initiative, creativity, and smarts to make the game and get so many people to play it. And that I was already smart and pretty and funny, so it's no surprise that guys like me.
And I just had to give her this incredulous look (she told me this when we were eating at McDonald's) because she made me sound amazing when I'm everything but. And besides, I already knew both of them before I started Assassin. But we had to leave soon, so we left it at that.
But yeah... I don't understand how my life has turned out so complicated. Of all people, I thought that Meethu or my sis would be the one with all of the boy drama, but nooo, it had to happen to the one person who wasn't looking for a boyfriend. -__-"
But, I was on tumblr earlier, and I find this pic that made me realize that I should just fuck it and do whatever makes me happy. It does sound incredibly selfish, but I didn't ask anyone to like me, okay? I'm pretty sure I'll go through my own fair share of one-sided crushes, so I'm sorry for whatever my decisions will have on other people, but I'm tired of overthinking and feeling guilty. I'm not going to reject every guy just because I'll feel guilty for another and end up regretting it. So, I'll just see how things will go from here.
Anyway, that's it for now. I'm thinking of seeing Jeffy later to give him my USB and tell him that I want to try out dates and hanging out later today after I make some cookies cuz I really want some fresh baked cookies with milk right now, lol. We'll see.
If you stayed with me throughout this epically long post, I congratulate you. You deserve a cookie. :3
Adios, mi amigos!
[jeez! This took me around 6 hours to write in between breakfast and lunch and distractions and stuff :P]