Saturday, February 27, 2016

Is our relationship worth it? :/

We've already passed the one and a half year anniversary mark by now, and we're finally out of the honeymoon phase and have started having actual arguments every once in a while. The problems are that I always accidentally hurt him, and he has poor time management and communication skills. 

Every fight that we have gets worse than the one before, and the last one had me questioning if it was better if we just broke up. It wasn't just a quick thought that passed through my mind; it stayed there and lingered for a day or two to the point that I was imagining how it would go down. The problem is that I don't even know if this is something worth breaking up over. 

What happened was that we were meeting up with a bunch of friends for dinner at Taj one night. We both hungout with different friends that day, so we were going to meet up with our friends at the restaurant. I get there at six, which was the agreed upon meeting time, and David sends me a text asking if he should be leaving now. I told him that he should be here already, since he was in Warner Robins, which is 30 minutes away. He eventually tells me that his friend is driving him because he didn't have his car. That's all. He gets there 45 minutes late, after we all got our food already. 

I drive him home since his friend had just dropped him off at the restaurant, and during the drive, I'm ticked, so I don't say much after I asked him why he was so late. He said that he and Jody went to go watch a movie, and they thought that it would end around 5:40 since the movie was an hour and 40 minutes long. That, and when Jody had taken him back home, he found out that he was carless, so Jody offered to take him to Taj.

I eventually snap at him after he acts cute and whines, "Pay attention to meeee," telling him that I'm kind of pissed off at him because he never bothered to tell me anything. All he did was ask if he should be leaving to meet up with everyone when it was already six, and he was the only one not already at Taj. The rest of the car ride is silent, and all we said was bye when I dropped him off. No "I love you", no kiss goodnight.

I didn't hear from him until two days later, which is the longest we've gone not talking to each other. He eventually texts me asking if he could see me later to apologize. He meets me in a study room in the library with flowers, a card, and a Kit-Kat bar for if I wanted a break, lol. He tells me that he's sorry because he realized that he should have communicated to me more and that he really does have time management even though all he wanted to do was please everyone. He told me that at first, he was mad at me and then became mad at himself because he realized that he was in the wrong. He told me that he did ask himself if our relationship was worth it, but it was only a passing thought because he knew that he needed me. (The thing is, I'm not sure if I need him.)

I told him that I also questioned our relationship, and he realized that it wasn't just a passing thought for me. A couple days later, he wanted for us to talk about it, but things always came up, so we never did.

But yeah, the whole time we were talking, I could barely speak. I was on the brink of crying the whole time and was whispering because my voice kept on trembling, and I don't know why. I didn't even know what to say other than: every time we fight, it gets worse, and I get madder every time because you keep saying that you'll work on your time management skills, but you don't. I'm not even sure if I was planning on breaking up with him or not at that time.

Stuff like this keeps on happening though. He'll make plans to do something with me and will be super late or just bail last minute, and it pisses me off every time. I know that sometimes it's unavoidable because someone in his family takes his car without telling him, so he can't go anywhere. But a lot of it could have been handled better, and that's what always puts me in a bad mindset and start thinking all over again if this relationship is worth it.

I told Meethu about it when we hungout on Sunday, and she made me read this article that she bookmarked whenever she starts having doubt about her relationship with Luke. Pretty much, it was an advice article about how yeah, a lot of married women think about cheating every once in a while because they're bored with their monotonous lives, but they should be grateful about their boring husbands who still always loves them, because they could have married worse. Their husbands could have been abusive or rapists or have all of these other flaws. So instead, we should be grateful that our boyfriends' flaws are that they have poor planning skills, which yeah, definitely puts things into perspective. 

While I'm glad that I'm not dating an inherently bad person, I still get unhappy at times. I told David this in the beginning when we were first getting to know each other that if I got bored with him, then it wouldn't work out. I figured that that was a no-brainer; if I lose interest, then of course we wouldn't weren't going to last long. 

I didn't know how conflicting being unhappy would make me. I figured that if I was unhappy, then of course we would break up. Things are never that easy though. I'm not always unhappy with him. We have lots of good moments together, a lot more good moments than bad, and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings. 

Is this something that most couples work through together? Is this the rough part of a relationship that you both have to weather through together? Am I settling? Am I going to continue to be unhappy? Am I overthinking? Is this even worth breaking up over? Do I need him? Am I going to find someone better? Am I not giving our relationship enough benefit of a doubt? Am I rushing to conclusions?

I don't know. 

I still don't know. 

I want to talk to him about it, but shit keeps on happening, and there's never time to talk. And I'm not sure if I'll even be able to say what I'm trying to figure out. I'm pretty sure I'll end up barely able to speak and crying again. 

I pretty much ignored all of his texts tonight because I was still kind of ticked that he never bothered to return my calls or text yesterday (petty, I know -__-"), but then I started blogging to try to sort out my feelings, and I knew that I couldn't answer his call or return his text without lashing out at him or saying something that I might regret. 

Ughhhhhhh. I don't know what to say to him tomorrow, especially since we have formal at night. :((( Our timing really sucks, lol.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Shows I'm Currently Watching: Akagami no Shirayuki-hime, GATE

It's been a long while since I wrote one of these posts. -__-" They're also kind of mini anime reviews since I couldn't help but put my opinions into it, lol.


Also called Snow White with the Red Hair, I've been interested in this manga series in general before the anime came out; I just never got around to reading it since it was still ongoing. This is without a doubt one of the most shojo-est anime that could ever be created, lol. But I say that in the best way possible, since I just love the characters so much. My boyfriend was actually interested enough in it to watch the the first season with me, and now we're slowly catching up with the second season, which is still ongoing. The slow burn and plot is killing me. XD

I started watching this because my friend recommended it to me, and boy was he right. After watching a couple of okay anime series that included harems, this one was a breath of fresh air. For one, the protagonist isn't a rash, young teenage boy; Itami is a 33 year-old otaku who works in the Self Defense Force as a means to support his hobby. He is the opposite of your typical hero, and it's great, because he's full of contradictions. He's incredibly smart but lazy and great at fighting and tactics but always trying to find the most peaceful solutions. And he always ends up saving the day and getting rewarded when he doesn't want to. 

All of the other characters are great as well. They have their own backstories and unique identities which are slowly revealed, and they're not dumb either. I liked how there wasn't any insta-love for any of the girls in his harem; everything happened naturally where they learned to trust him on their own terms. The best part is hands down the comedic moments spread interspersed between all of the heavy politics and killing though.

But yeah, I watched the first season within a day or two and convinced my boyfriend to watch it, too. He loved it. Now we're eagerly waiting to watch the new episodes of the second season every Friday, lol.


This anime is called World Break: Aria of Curse for a Holy Swordsman in English, which makes it sound super awesome, right? Too bad it's just okay. I really don't know why I started watching this, lol. I'm more surprised that I finished watching it, since I was pretty irritated watching it at times. Like, there's always that one super annoying, high-pitched voice that you hate hearing in a lot of anime, and it just had to be the main love interest's voice... However, it had its moments, and the fight scenes were pretty cool. Pretty much, this is one of those anime you watch once and never remember about again.

Translated into English, this anime is called Chivalry of a Failed Knight. The plot's very similar to The Irregular at Magic High School where the protagonist is considered a loser according to the school's credentials but is really a boss using unconventional methods. However, it has its differences, which I also liked about it. I actually liked the story arcs for certain characters.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Weekly Haul (87)

I'm two months late, but here is the rest of the books that I received in December, lol. Most of them are from Black Friday. I had meant to post this earlier, but I forgot since I was always busy or just being lazy. -__-" There's a lot of books that I've been really wanting to read, so I'm super excited to start reading them when I have time!

Christmas presents from my sis:
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Blood of My Blood by Barry Lyga
Angelfall by Susan Ee
World After by Susan Ee
End of Days by Susan Ee
Shipbreaker by Paolo Bacigalupi
Zeroes by Scott Westerfeld

Dust Lands by Moira Young 
Murder of Crows by Anne Bishop
We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
Lovely, Dark and Deep by Amy McNamara
Lux Beginnings by Jennifer Armentrout
Lux Opposition by Jennifer Armentrout
Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler & Maira Kalman
Complicit by Stephanie Kuehn
Sadie Walker is Stranded by Madeleine Roux
Charm & Strange by Stephanie Kuehn

Funny story: I was cleaning up my room a little the other week and found out that I already owned a copy of Shipbreaker. -__-" Also, I've really run out of places to put all of my TBR books. There's just piles on my bookshelves and floors...

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Good Days and Bad Days

Everyone has their good days and bad days. For me, this semester seems to have already passed so quickly with how busy I am that's its become a blur of good days and bad days. Luckily for me, I'm involved in a lot more things this semester, and I've made a lot of good memories because of it.

Last week was busy getting to know the pledges and having the Big/Little reveal, so it's nice to have another little this semester, even though I might have been biting off more than I could chew since I'm so busy. But I'm trying to make time for her, and we've planned a whole family lunch tomorrow, so it'll be good. XD

This week was Lunar New Year, so our advisor threw a Lunar New Year's party for all of the members who helped out with MViet and Mercer on Mission: Vietnam, which was really fun. We all got red envelops filled with either a dollar or a lottery ticket, which we used to gamble playing Vietnamese games. Lol, it was hilarious watching everyone's reactions. There was also a lot of traditional Vietnamese New Year's food that was delicious to eat, so I pretty much stuffed myself. :)

I was also convinced to start working out with some of my friends, which has been really fun even though I'm usually sore as hell the next day, lol. My big even started working out with us this week. We workout on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which are back and arm days, so I've been working on my upper body for once in my life. I forgot how nice it feels to workout, especially with other people to help motivate you, lol.

Lol, this Tuesday was an especially good day. Jessica and I had finished working out with Mikey and were leaving the UC to go do homework when we ran into one of her friends who agreed to buy us some sushi from the UC, so we went back to the UC and ran into some more of Jessica's friends who gave her a free drink as well. While we were eating, Jessica convinced/guilted this guy that she met on Friday to buy us a meal from Chick-fil-a, so we got even more food! Then, while we were finishing it, it started snowing outside! Lol, there were flurries going on and off the rest of the day, which was cool even though it didn't stick. Then, I took a couple new brothers to the store to buy Valentines for our chapter meeting that night, since we were going to pass out Valentines to each other like in elementary school. It was a fun meeting, lol. I still haven't even gone through all of my Valentines. But I drew this cute fat unicorn that I copied from a pic online, lol. So yeah, Tuesday was a good day.

The bad day came on Monday when I found out that my uncle had died from a stroke the previous day. We weren't blood-related, but I knew him since I was born, since I was always at my grandma's house when I was younger before we moved to the countryside. He's always been in my life even though I haven't seen my grandmas as often these past few years. I was planning on going to his wake today since I knew my parents were going in the afternoon, so I had already planned it out and excused myself from my one class today. Then last night, I found out that my parents were planning on staying the night and going to the funeral tomorrow as well. I already have a lot of plans for Friday and had wanted to go to class as well, so I decided to not go with them after all. Now I'm debating on just driving up to go to the wake later today by myself or staying home and catching up on homework. :/

On another note, for some reason, I was really craving green tea smoothies from Smoothie King for the past few weeks but never had time to get some or was too broke to buy any, so I eventually caved and bought matcha powder off of Amazon and started making my own green tea smoothies. They're not the same as Smoothie King's version, but I still really like it! That, and I've been making green tea breakfast smoothies as well. I really like them because they're super filling and tasty, lol.

Also, I have quickly come to realize that I have become addicted to anime yet again, lol. Instead of reading fanfic, I now watch as many episodes of anime as I can in my free time now, which is just as bad as reading fanfic, since I really should be doing my homework. :\ I mean, I watched 16 anime last year, 5 of which I watched during Winter Break when I was free. In the span of less than 2 months, I've already watched 9 anime. That's more than half of what I watched last year alone! :o

But yeah, life's got its ups and downs, and I'm just trying to accept them as they come.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Books I Want to Read This Month

I really hope that I can find some time to read something this month. It's already looking pretty busy according to my calendar. :/
  1. Homeland by Cory Doctorow
  2. Never Fade by Alexandria Bracken
  3. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi
  4. Blood of My Blood by Barry Lyga
  5. Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
  6. Angelfall by Susan Ee
  7. Awkward by Svetlana Chmakova
  8. Perfect Scoundrels by Ally Carter
  9. The Geography of Me and You by Jennifer E. Smith
  10. Insignia by S.J. Kincaid
  11. The Girl of Fire and Thornes by Rae Carson
  12. I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson
  13. The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
  14. Nevermore by James Patterson
  15. Divergent by Veronica Roth

Monday, February 1, 2016

January in Retrospect

Instead of focusing on school like I should have been doing, I pretty much spent most of my free time reading manga or watching a whole bunch of anime and movies... -__-" On the bright side, I watched a lot of great stuff in January. :)

I read:
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 1 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 2 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 3 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 4 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 5 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 6 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 7 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 8 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 9 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 10 by Cocoa Fujiwara
  • Inu x Boku SS vol. 11 by Cocoa Fujiwara

I watched:
  • Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (2015)
  • iZombie (2015)
  • Akame ga Kill (2014)
  • Akagami no Shirayukihime Season 1 (2015)
  • Rurouni Kenshin (2012)
  • Rurouni Kenshin: Kyoto Inferno (2014)
  • Rurouni Kenshin: The Legend Ends (2014)
  • Mei-chan no Shitsuji (2009)
  • Ouran High School Host Club (2011)
  • The Liar and His Lover (2013)
  • Inu x Boku: SS (2012)