Today, I was at the Bare Bulb with Emily and Meethu after the Latin Club meeting was over after school to work on our project in AP Lit on The Awakening (We just got assigned another project for A Lesson Before Dying today D:).
I know Emily pretty well. We gave each other and Jeffrey the title "Bestest Buddies" since our first year of Latin two years ago. She gives me a ride to and from school every day. We hang out occasionally when we can work around our schedules. We went to the last two Harry Potter midnight premieres together. We're pretty close.
Meethu, I met her last year since she moved to HOCO over the summer. We only had AP Lang together last year, and we didn't sit near each other in that class, so I didn't talk to her much. I just had the impression that she was this pretty, innocent, smart, little Indian girl. Really, you should hear her voice; she sounds really innocent.
Today, my image of her was completely torn apart and ripped to pieces. I learned that she's pretty loud and crazy and goes all out when she has a crush on someone. Like, borderline stalkerish, lol. It's not like she stalks her crush, but she got a job at the movie theater since he works there and tries to get the same shifts as him. She also knows where he lives thanks to Google Earth. And she thinks that her crush might be gay since all of the other guys that she liked turned out to be gay. XD
I also learned that the image I at first had of her was what she was usually like at school, since it takes her a while to open up and become as loud as she did this afternoon with us. Actually, she said that Emily and I were the first ones that she even acted like her normal self with at HOCO. It made me feel special. :3
While trying to work on our project, we kept on digressing and gossiping half of the time. And then end up laughing our heads off. We were probably the obnoxiously loud people there that I usually get annoyed at, lol.
We would usually end up talking about Meethu's crush or something about love/crushes/relationships. Since Emily's pretty cynical, she'd talk about how she would never have kids since she'd most likely neglect them and that she would prolly never marry since no guy will ever ignite a passion inside of her to make their relationship last. Meethu and I disagree on the latter; I think that she'll eventually find someone, just not in high school. I mean, after reading so many young adult books and just watching high schoolers, I already knew for a while that high school relationships don't last. Everyone's too immature and hormonal and inexperienced.
That's why I've never bothered getting a boyfriend since, well... ever. I guess I'm pretty cynical, too, since I already know that we'd never last for long and eventually break up because of something immature or because I don't do long distance relationships. Especially now, since I'm a senior, I'm really not looking for a relationship because I know that we'd break up eventually since we'd probably go to different colleges, and like I said, I don't do long distance relationships; I'm the type of girl who has to see her boyfriend regularly.
When Meethu found out that the last time I had a crush on someone was the summer before I went to 9th grade, she was surprised since she's the type of person who's always had a crush on someone. Like I mentioned earlier, she's also the type of girl who, when she likes someone, goes all out in it. So for her to hear me say that I haven't crushed on anyone for so long, it was shocking, and she wanted to know how I could just not like someone, like a switch was off or something.
I told her it was almost subconscious. Like, I already knew that high school relationships don't last, so I didn't want to deal with all of the drama it came with, and my mind subconsciously knew that, so I didn't really crush on anyone for long. At least, not long enough for it to become something. I've had small crushes before, when I got to know a guy, but after a few days, I realize that we're more like friends than anything else and the crush goes away.
By then, we had to leave since it was getting late, and Meethu and I have an AP Calc test tomorrow that we really should be studying for (which I didn't study nearly enough...). But, after a while of going over some practice problems, I started thinking back on what we had said, hence the reason why I'm blogging about it. I usually type out whatever's been bugging me in order to try to answer whatever my mind's trying to ask.
And I guess I wanted to go back to that moment and tell Meethu that even though I don't want to have a relationship while in high school because of the messes that it usually comes with, I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend. I mean, who doesn't want to be with someone who makes you smile and adores you? It's just that I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend; I'm just not looking for one. Which is probably why I haven't had a crush since nearly four years ago.
If, suddenly, I happen to really like a guy and he reciprocated my feelings and we started going out sometime during this school year, I'd be happy about it. It'd be fun going on dates and teasing each other and just connecting. And then, when we break up, I'm pretty sure I'll be sad, but it's not like going to regret anything; it's all about the experience. Because really, it's usually not like a book where the girl gets the guy and they live happily ever after with each other forever.
In real life, I think it's more about trial and error. You go out with one person and when you finally separate, you eventually find another person and you'll end up comparing them to your first relationship, and really, that's fine as long as you're not comparing them out of longing for your first love. Because I think that after being in a few relationships will help you realize what you want in a relationship and help you figure out just exactly what type of person you're looking for in the end.
But this is all just my opinion. I'm only 17 years old and have never even been in a relationship myself. I could be totally wrong. This is just what my gut tells me. In 10 years, I could be totally wrong.
Besides, I believe this because of the mentality that I have. I know that I'm not going to be in any super serious relationships for a while where it usually involves a ring and such. I'm not going to slut around looking for hookups either; please, I'm too much of a romantic to do something as dirty as that. :P I'm just going to go out and have fun and we'll see how it ends.
But, like some of my friends, they're looking for the one. The one that they want to marry even though they're also my age and young and hormonal and inexperienced. I still can't believe that they waiting to find their significant other at such a young age instead of just having fun with whoever strikes their fancy for the moment. We're young. We're going to make mistakes. There's no need to be wasting away waiting for the one right now. Don't worry about it so much.
And some of my other friends have different tastes in guys, and they're also too mature to date high school boys. I can understand them pretty well. :) Some of my other friends aren't looking for relationships or no one interests them to look for one. I totally get them.
But yeah, that's my opinion on relationships and such. :P
There was something else that Meethu brought up earlier. She asked us if we were going to prom even though it's far away. Emily said that she had to go since her mom was forcing her, and she actually had to have a "warm, male person" as her date as her mother instructed. I feel sorry for her, lol.
I said that I wasn't planning on going, and Meethu said that I had to go since it was my last chance since I didn't go to prom last year. Somehow, I think that I'll be forced into going to prom, either by my friends or by my sister. D:
And Meethu brought the question up in the first place cuz she wanted to know our opinion on her plan to ask her crush to prom, which involved baking a cake (since he loved the cake she made for AP US History last year) with his name on it saying "XXX, I have a question for you..." and having a note encased with aluminum foil inside of the cake asking him to the prom. And giving it to his mom so that he could get the cake when he went home after school.
Emily and I both thought that it was too stalkerish and a little overboard. :P Don't know if she'll still go with the plan when prom comes around though...
Also, Emily's forcing me to go to the homecoming dance next month since you have to have at least one merit in DECA every semester to stay in the club and somehow going to homecoming means that you get one. It sucks. I bought two dresses over the summer, but they're not fancy enough for homecoming, so that means that I have to buy another dress.
I am super picky when it comes to dresses and other girly clothes since I have an awkward body figure and basically don't look good in dresses in general (in my opinion anyway). But, we're going dress shopping tomorrow with Jackie, and I have a coupon for JC Penny, so hopefully, I'll find a good dress for a relatively low price since I haven't babysat for a while and am low on cash.
Anyway, it's getting late. I need to go to bed earlier since I've been sleeping later than usual and as expected, keep on yawning a bazillion times a day. :\
I'm glad that I made another crazy friend, though. :D