Tuesday, October 21, 2014

When you can't hold it in anymore

For a while now, I've been wanting to say "I love you" to David, but I kept on chickening out, saying that it wasn't the right time or moment. I finally said it last week during our three month anniversary after a few failed start-ups, lol.

I guess I should give a little backstory to why this was so momentous for me. A week or so after our first month anniversary, David asked me how I felt about "I love you," and I told him that it was too soon, that I had commitment issues, so if he said it to me then, I wouldn't have been able to say it back to him. He was understanding and said that that was why he asked me how I felt about it and left it at that.

I was a little freaked out at his question because I couldn't understand how you could love someone so quickly. I mean, sure, we dated for almost two months before we got together, but that really just gave him three months to come to that conclusion. And he said that to him, love is based on trust, so he already trusted me a lot pretty early on.

Since I've never been in love before, I asked my sis and friends about how and when they knew they were in love with their boyfriends, and what Krista said really stuck with me. She said that she knew that she was in love with Eric because she kept on wanting to tell it to him, especially when they were saying their goodbyes during phone calls. She said that she just kept on wanting to tell him it, and I guess that's kind of what happened to me.

For the past few weeks, I just kept on wanting to tell David that I loved him randomly whenever we were hanging out or on the phone, but I kept on chickening out because I wasn't totally sure if I did love him or not. I talked to Cam, Meethu, and Shelle about it, and they gave pretty much the same advice: that I don't have to rush saying it since we all knew that David practically already said it and that I shouldn't say it unless I really meant it.

And I randomly started noticing how attractive he was? Like, I never really paid that much attention to his physical features other than his height since it's kind of hard to miss, lol, but lately, I would randomly notice that he would be exceptionally good looking? Lol, I don't know; I would just be caught by surprised by how hot he looked randomly. I guess that's mainly because I usually see him act like a goofball, so seeing him as anything else was a surprise. XD Coupled with my growing obsession with his scent (it's so addicting!) and sudden want to see him as much as possible, I kind of knew that saying "I love you" was inevitable.

So I held it in until I couldn't stand it anymore, lol. I didn't really get to say it to him on his birthday since we had a lot going on that night, but I guess I realized it that night that I really did love him, so I planned on telling it to him the next day, which was our three month anniversary. My teacher had canceled class since he was going to be out of town, so my last class on that Friday was at 10, so I went to his house afterwards to hangout until one when he had to go meet up with Shena for a volunteer event.

We ended up watching a movie and eating lunch before he was supposed to leave, but he was going to carpool with Daniel there, and he didn't answer David's text until one, so they decided to just go straight to the festival after Daniel came over around two. In the time that we were waiting for Daniel, David and I were just hugging goodbye, and I kept on trying to tell him the words but chickening out.

I really wanted to get him to say "I hate you" since we also say that to each other whenever we tease each other, and the other person would usually say "I like you, too" in response, so I wanted to say "I love you, too" instead this time, but I couldn't get him to say it! So instead, I was like, "Hey... I hate you," lol. And I'm not sure if he said, "I like you, too" or "I love you, too" because it really sounded like he said "love," but by that time, I had hid my face against his chest, so my hearing could have been worse. But yeah, in response to that, I kind of mumbled, "Yeah, I love you, too" against his chest. I'm not sure if he heard me or if he wanted to make sure he heard me correctly, because he was just like, "What." And I was embarrassed and didn't want to say it again just yet, so I said, "What" as well, lol.

I kind of forgot what happened after that other than the fact that we changed the topic, but we eventually ended up laying back on his bed with him on top of me. When he started to tickle me again, I told him that I took back what I said earlier, and he was like, "What did you say earlier? I like you?" Since his ear was closest to me, I said "that I love you" into his ear, and he was just like, "What?" again, the dork. I then had to say "I love you" to his face before he said it back to me. Then we cuddled for a little bit more.

He eventually told me that he thought that I wasn't going to say "I love you" because of my commitment issues, and I was just like, "But I like you," which ended the conversation, lol. Then I told him that he wanted to say the words too soon, which was why I told him that I wouldn't be able to say it to him at the time, but I was interrupted halfway through that by Daniel knocking on the front door.

Instead of getting up to answer the door, David decided to keep me pinned down for a minute and shower me with kisses first, so I guess that was his reaction to the news, lol.

Even though we got to see each other all weekend, we were always around others so we haven't had time to finish our conversation, and to be honest, I'm not even sure if we will since we usually forget or don't have much time for deep conversations. I dunno, I'll prolly bring it up eventually since I don't anymore misunderstandings happening, lol.

But yeah, I'm really glad that we finally said it because it's just one more thing to tease him with, lol. That, and it's nice to tell it to him randomly to catch him off guard. XD

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