Thursday, June 14, 2012

Umm...I'm back? And I just had a mini-revelation??

Soooo, I'm back? But I've been kind of busy and when I wasn't, I was too lazy to upload all of the pics that I took and write about the cruise--I watched a bunch of Exo videos instead. -__-"

To be honest, I really haven't been in a blogging mood lately. Yeah, I still check out a lot of the blogs that I subscribe to, but I haven't really felt the urge to type a post, and I haven't even been writing many reviews lately. 

Truthfully, I don't even feel like reading that much anymore. It's like I have to go through this huge mental roadblock before I can force myself to pick up a book and start reading it. Then it will take me a couple of pages to get back into the book--to immerse myself into the story and not want to ever escape--but then, after 50 or so pages, I'll start losing interest or something comes up and I have to put the book down and I don't really want to pick it up again because the interweb is so amusing and the whole cycle repeats, and it just can't seem to end.

I don't know if it's just the book or my mood or the fact that I don't really have to procrastinate anymore, which was usually me reading a book instead of doing my homework or studying or sleeping because who needs that? :P But that was my main reason for reading during school, and now I don't have it anymore and I have loads of free time to do whatever I want which means getting obsessed with Exo because those boys are freaking hilarious and adorable and sexy and a;sdjf. I can't even. 

And I can't stop reading fanfiction. Maybe that's why I don't feel like reading real books. Some people write fanfiction like it legitly belongs in the book/series/movies and some people have a completely different writing style that's beautiful and breathtaking and mindfucking. Like, this person. And it's so different from normal book styles that maybe that's why I can't seem to be interested in it right now. I don't know.

Maybe I need a break from reading books? I mean, I have a lot of tv shows and movies that I wanted to catch up on (Avatar the Last Airbender season 3, I need to watch you!), and I still have a bunch of Exo stuff to watch, too, so maybe a break from reading will give me more time to focus on them and get them out of the way?

But...I don't want to stop reading. I mean, I read every single day. It's not even a hobby or a habit; it's a part of my life. I read my mail, blogs that I subscribe to, tumblr, fanfics. I can't just stop. I hope I never stop. 

I guess what I'm saying is, I want to stop reviewing and maybe even blogging, for now at least. I feel like both of them are becoming a chore, and I don't want to feel obligated to do something that I don't want to do. I DO WHAT I WANT. Lol. 

I still have some reviews that I haven't posted yet and a few posts that I also haven't published yet, so I'll prolly update every once in a while, but I'm not sure how many actual updates I'll have now, and I know that they were already rare since I posted about my life once every blue moon recently. But stuff happens and I just don't feel like typing it all out anymore like I used to. Maybe because my blog gets a lot more hits than it did in the beginning or because I just don't feel like writing down my memories anymore (which sucks now that I think about it; I seem to be forgetting everything lately! D:).

I don't know. I really, truly don't. 

I don't even know how this post turned out this way. I was definitely not expecting to post about not blogging for a while anymore. I didn't even know that I felt this way until the words started flowing from my fingers. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY??? XD

But seriously, I wasn't expecting this at all. Now that I think about it, I feel a little ashamed of myself because I've been blogging regularly all year, and it hasn't been that much of a struggle. Sure, most of my posts were about books and not about myself, but it wasn't like I posted about myself that much anyway. I mean, I used to post once or twice a week about what had been happening in my life or about what I was currently fangirling about. I fangirl a lot less now, but it's starting to come back, and I still talk about my life once or twice a week, so it's not like I've changed so much.

But, I guess I am changing? And I currently don't want to read so many books? It might be because my mountain of TBR books is so daunting and my subconscious knows that I will never make a dent in it no matter how much I read this summer so it's already given up, or it could be like those reasons I stated earlier. I still don't know.

All I know is that I change my mind easily. So even though I think I might stop blogging and reviewing for a while right now, I might completely do the opposite, because right now, typing out everything as soon as it comes to mind--word vomiting--feels fucking fantastic. I guess I've been meaning to vent/write everything out for a while after all. :o

So in all actuality, this post might actually make me want to post more--to freakin write more. Which is great, because lately, I've been thinking about how I used to write stories all the time in middle school and in the beginning of high school, but then my hobbies changed and I forgot all about it and how I've been wanting to actually try writing again even though I'm horrible at it and am kind of afraid to attempt to write anymore because yeesh, I'm an even worse critique of myself now than when I was younger. Geez, how did I used to do free writes all of the time? 

And I forgot how fun it is to ramble. Really, fanfiction and Exo fandom has clearly influenced this post's writing style. 

Anyway, we shall see how I feel about blogging. It'll be obvious if I don't feel up to it if I don't post much for the rest of the month--but then again, I'm kind of busy this month. I've got plans to hang with friends and orientation and a Graphics Summer Camp to look forward to! :D So... I don't know. You'll just know. If I can't find time or motivation to write something relevant or meaningful or just...about life, then take it as you like it.

I'll be back. I always come back. I can't stop recording about my life. My memory sucks just as bad as my hearing (I really shouldn't have listen to loud music while wearing headphones when I was younger), and I would like to preserve as much of it as I can. And writing about my life has become habitual even though I don't do it often enough anymore. I mean, I started writing in a journal when I was in middle school. 

But yeah, I have to go take a shower because it's 11:40 PM, and I'm hanging out with Emily tomorrow, and I would rather not feel like a stinky bum thank you very much. :P


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