At the beginning of the month, my mom came up to stay with us for a few days. She had an overnight stay for a doctor's visit, so we dropped her off and picked her up the next day. That weekend, we took her to watch Shen Yun, which was also my first time watching it, too. It was pretty interesting, but I think because we had a big lunch beforehand, I was pretty sleepy at the slower parts lol.
David also came over that weekend, and we had a good time. We went out and played Pokemon Go one of the days. I thought everything was fine.
It was not fine.
That Monday after work, he called me and told me that he had to tell me something. He kept on procrastinating until he finally told me that he already agreed to some plans for the upcoming weekend with someone that I had already told him I didn't like him hanging out with and that he didn't know how to tell me about it since he knew I would be mad. So instead of telling me when he agreed to the plans or telling me when he saw me all weekend, he tells me over the phone the next day, the week of the event.
So I get mad. Rightfully so. He knew I would be mad, but he still does this shit even though we talked about him hanging out with that girl before. And his excuse for not cancelling plans is that it's her birthday?! And?! So?! Does she not have any other friends???
Anyway, we hangup with me upset and him feeling bad. While I'm eating dinner later, I get mad again because wtf. He's the one at fault, and he's not even doing anything to make me feel better. This is like every other time when I'm mad at him. He just feels bad but doesn't do anything. Doesn't do anything but apologize. Doesn't come see me, doesn't change his plans, doesn't do anything to reassure my feelings that I'm important to him and that he's sincerely apologetic.
So I call him up and tell him that, and he offers to come over immediately, and I shut him down because it's too late. I don't want to see him, and he's only coming over because I had to tell him to! That's not how it works! We've been dating for 5 years, and he still doesn't know how to console me. All he does is feel bad about hurting me but doesn't actually do anything to prevent it from happening again.
He comes over after work the next day so we can talk. I don't remember much about what we said, but it basically ended on me telling him that I want someone who puts me first before others because that's what I do in a relationship, and if he can't do the same, then let's breakup. He couldn't respond to that, so he left.
I didn't hear anything from him for a week. During that time, I thought and talked about the whole situation with family and friends and realized that I've tried so hard to make us work, but every couple of months, he would pull the same stunt and fuck up again. Every time I got upset with him, it was basically because of the same situation. He put others before me and took me for granted. He would be upset for upsetting me but still do it anyway because of reasons XYZ. It took me a long time to realize that it's all just fucking excuses.
So I realized that I'm done. I'm tired of waiting for him to change, and I can't make him change. The only thing I could do was walk away because I've given him a chance so many times, and the results are always the same.
That Friday, Ebony and I had a spa night at Archana's place since we were going through some stuff. Ebony told me that she had asked her husband for a divorce a few weeks ago, and I had decided to breakup with David a day ago, and we were just like... we need to do something to feel better about ourselves lol. Let's have a spa night! We ate a bunch of snacks, did face masks, put on sheet masks, and cried watching episodes of Queer Eye: We're in Japan lol. It was a good night lol.
I figured since he hadn't reached out in a while that it was officially over. I was planning on contacting him to see if he wanted his stuff back after a week passed, but he texted me the day before that and asked to talk. So he came over one last time, and we talked. He said that he realized that I didn't want to try anymore after he didn't hear anything from me all week. I gave him his clothes and games back, and that was the last we saw of each other.
But then he still called me every day after that until I got mad at him because I told him that I wanted space to get over him, and he had agreed! But then he still texted or called me! So I told him to stop or else I'd block him because he was still doing the same shit! He wasn't respecting my choices because he only cared about his! He was too used to our daily calls after work.
We had agreed to not talk to each other for a month during our last call so that we would get used to not relying on each other anymore, so I told him to not contact me for at least a month or else I'd block him. I haven't heard from him since lol.
That weekend, my siblings and I flew out to California to celebrate our baby cousin's hundred day celebration and to see our other baby cousins who's only a few months older. It was basically a cousin reunion since we all haven't been in the same place together in a long time lol. I forgot most of my cousins are like a decade older than me, but we all bond by roasting each other so it's hilarious. We ate so much food over there. I don't think I was ever hungry lol.
We did a few touristy things like go to Lucasfilm to see the Yoda fountain and found out that we were close to our cousin's favorite place in California, which was the Palace of Fine Arts. We walked over and took so many pics lol. It's really cool. I can see why she loves it. She told us that last time she went there, there was a guy proposing to his girlfriend with a violin player setting the mood lol.
Since our flight back to Georgia on MLK was at 6:30am and some of our cousins' flights were at 7am, we all decided to stay up watching movies instead of sleeping lol. It was a fun, exhausting time. I forgot how nice it is to be surrounded by so much love and humor and family.
The next week, I went to an ENT doctor to check out the keloid on my ear that I've had for a while. He also looked at my nose and told me that I have a deviated septum, which is why I always have a runny or stuffed nose. I thought it was because I always have allergies lol, and he told me that my allergies just make it worse. Anyway, I'm getting surgery for both issues next month hopefully.
That Friday, we had a tarot card party at Jack's house with his siblings and friends. They're friends with a tarot card reader, and she wanted to give us free readings and take pics and videos to help her advertise on social media that she does tarot card readings.
It was pretty interesting since I've never done a tarot card reading before. She did a quick version, so I only picked out three cards for her to read. I don't remember much except that I could interpret her reading that I needed to do some inner searching to realize something about either my career or relationship.
That's probably part of the reason why I've been putting off writing this post for so long because I feel like I've talked enough about the breakup and had enough epiphanies that I don't know what else there is to discover other than that I don't even know who I am anymore lol. I feel like I spent so much time staying stagnant when we things were good but trying to fix our relationship when things were rough that I didn't spend any time on myself. I mean, I only realized that I really like nature last year when I was traveling everywhere! So now I'm trying to find out who I am and what I like to do again.
But yeah, January was an eventful month. It felt like it was a whole year in of itself lol.
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